Just imagine your first day of medical school. You’re packed into some lecture hall listening to various speakers congratulating you, but you are distracted as you gaze around the room. You see 100-200 other young, intelligent, and passionate new medical students and can’t help but think…some of them are hot!
I remember in my first week of medical school we were given a wellness lecture where they actually told us that the majority of students entering med school in outside relationships would break up with their significant others within the first year. I thought this was ridiculous, and a little bit funny in a weird way, but it turns out they were right. In my class we had short term relationships, long term relationships, long distance relationships, and even marriages end in the first couple years. It seems bleak, but in a way it made sense. Medical school is a transformative process that is demanding, emotionally draining, and frankly difficult for someone to really understand unless they’ve gone through it.
It’s not all bad though. Some people in my class married their high school sweethearts. There is hope. There is also this interesting concept of “medcest.” Dating people within the class, or within medicine in general. During med school I did both, so I can give some of my personal opinions. I ended up meeting an incredible girl in my class during clerkship, and we are still dating today.
Dating outside of medicine
During first and second year I had a couple romantic interests outside of the class, including an actual girlfriend. I remember thinking then that this was definitely the way to go. It’s easy to get totally sucked into the medical world and at every social gathering (which is inevitably with your classmates) the conversation always ends up about medicine. I figured by having a girlfriend outside of the class it would give me some distance and strengthen my connection to the outside world. This worked to some extent. I always had interesting stories to bring home and it always blew my significant other away.
When I dated outside of the class it was during the first and second years – the pre-clerkship years. I can see things being different in clerkship. Third and fourth year are incredibly interesting but the hours are longer. All of a sudden you have overnight call shifts, or you’ll go five days in a row without seeing daylight because you get up so early and come home so late. You’ll come home from a day of standing on your feet in one place for 9 hours in the operating room and you’ll just want to have dinner and go to bed. If you don’t have a supportive significant other their patience can wear thin. Eventually the glamour of dating a doctor-to-be may not seem worth it anymore.
Like I mentioned before, some people were successful in maintaining relationships with significant others outside of medicine. Really, it just requires understanding on both sides and a very supportive significant other. If you do have someone supportive it can be a great way to maintain balance in your life and keep more interests outside of medicine.
Pulling a Grey’s Anatomy
Being constantly surrounded by the same people day in and day out and having a pretty much endless supply of topics to discuss and experiences to share makes it easy to meet people in your med school class. Not only can you tell someone a story that they will really understand, but you can share inside jokes and seek advice and counsel. Entering the medical profession is a big commitment. People talk about balance, and yes this can be achieved to some extent, but no matter how you look at it medicine will forever play a dominant role in your life. If you share this with someone else it can certainly make it a richer experience.
At the beginning of clerkship I started dating a girl in my class. We are proof that a relationship can develop even in the busiest circumstances, as I was on a general surgery rotation and she internal medicine. I found it refreshing coming home and getting to talk about my day without translating everything into layman’s terms. I could confide in her, tell her jokes only another med student would get, and ask advice. As a bonus we naturally have a lot of shared friends and thus a similar social calendar. To me it all felt a little bit easier.
Now we are in residency and are busier than we both could ever have imagined. Having an understanding partner now is absolutely paramount to a successful relationship. She can be both sympathetic and empathetic because she goes through the same experiences I do.
The verdict
So, should you date someone in medicine or not? Can you have successful relationships outside of the class? The answer, like most things in medicine, is “it depends.” Having a significant other outside your profession can provide you some valuable distance and help you maintain a better balance in your life. But, they will need to be understanding beyond measure because your lifestyle and personality will change over the four years of med school. You will grow into a new person and your significant other will have to grow with you.
Dating within medicine provides you with a companion on your journey through medical education and beyond. You have someone close to confide in, joke with, and even commiserate with on a level not possible with others. It allows you to combine two major aspects of your life into one. I am in a wonderful relationship now with another doctor and have no regrets. But like anything, this all depends on the person. I just happened to get lucky and find a good one!
Slice of Life 